


Cuts

by Nightcrawler509



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Graphic, Mental Health Issues, Platonic Relationships, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-02-22 03:37:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13158459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightcrawler509/pseuds/Nightcrawler509
Summary: Dick didn't feel wanted, not even loved. He felt useless, not worth loving and it seemed like each day he was proven right.He felt alone..."I'm just a broken bird...Can you fix me...Please.."





	1. Cuts part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cuts part 1
> 
> Ok new chapter and I felt that this would be appropriate enough and I just felt like writing. So this is just a bit of freestyle writing.
> 
> P.S. Teen Titans BeastBoy is in this story but instead his name is Belemy.
> 
> WARNING: Self harm, suicidal thoughts, blood but nothing too explicit.
> 
> You have been warned.
> 
> P.S. This idea I got from reading Emi The Ninja, my friend on FF.net. Check out her profile because she is amazing!

Dick locked the door behind him before opening up his window, letting the cold night's air hit him, piercing his skin like daggers. He wanted some time to himself, to just do what he did best. He just needed a break, he had to deal with so much during the week. Jason accidently mangled his toy elephant yesterday, he got into a fight with Jason as well, his face was littered with scars but nothing that make-up couldn't cover up from the naked eye. He didn't want sympathy for what happened to him, it wasn't needed.

Dick knew all the comments and things that happened to him for the two weeks were like daggers to his fragile, broken down body. Healing but leaving noticeable scars of pain all over his body. Each step he took caused him to writher in excruciating pain. He stopped moving a long time ago. What was the point of walking towards fake happiness instead of just being numb? Not feeling any thoughts to shatter the imaginary world he created for himself.

He loved his imaginary world he created for himself. He would lie in his field of paper flowers with candy clouds all above. He'd lie inside himself for hours and watched his purple skies fly over him. As rain fell, they told a story which were very interesting. But he would wake up of alarm clocks screaming, monsters calling his names, he just wanted to stay and just lay there. No arguments, no pain, and the best part, no one who'd pretend to be your family but yet hurt you more than anything else in the words. He could hear what they'd say when they were angry and he could tell what they thought of him. Weak, worthless, a circus freak that should have died with his family. He wished he had, it would have brought him bliss. Just feel the breeze hit his skin as peace comes over as he'd fall to his sweet death. If only that could have happened.

He tried to stop all this, he promised Belemy he would try to stop. He promised he'd talk about how he was feeling and would deal with it differently but it was just too much to handle. The stress, anger and just everything in general was weighing him down. He promised Belemy he'd stop and in return that Belemy would never tell anyone, not even Melissa, Dick's girlfriend.

He liked to be alone, it helped him cope. Many things did, like quiet, sitting alone, knifes. They always helped take off the edge. The deeper and longer he cut meant the less pain he'd feel from his life; that's the logic Dick created in his unstable mind but he liked it and really did wonders.

Dick chuckled quietly to himself as he took out his hidden knife from under his bed. He ran his fingers against the stainless, flat surface, playing with it in his hands, watching it glisten in the moonlight.

Dick pulled down his jeans and let the knife's surface lay against his skin. The knife in his hand felt good. The old wounds hadn't healed until now, and he was already eager to add new ones. When the blade cut through the skin it was such a good feeling. It was like punishing himself for his stupidity. It couldn't bring his happiness back, but it slightly made up for his bad future after his parents' death. No, it doesn't make their death any lesser. Nothing could make up for what his so called 'family' did to him.

The anger made the next cut much deeper than the other ones. Blood was running out of the wound, dropping onto the floor of the carpet less floor. Dick felt dizzy, but couldn't stop cutting himself. It was the only time where he could forget.

When he cut himself, one after another, was the only time that he felt alive. Any other time he felt like dying. Like a withered leaf that just waited to fall from the tree. Only one little gust of wind and it would lose contact with its tree, its life support, and fell, rotting on the ground.

Dick had waited so long for the last push that would let him lose contact with his 'tree'; his life. His soul was already rotten. His body felt like it was on fire and he didn't know if he could stand it any longer. Cutting helped him to feel alive. There is still blood flowing through his veins and not ash. And it was red not black like he felt his soul was right now.

The knife fell into the small puddle that had already built under his leg. The clinking sound it produced was echoing in Dick's ears. He ran his fingers over the fresh wounds and enjoyed the pain it was causing. Pain nobody else was willing to give him. They were all so damn understanding. The worst were the martians and Black Canary.

They think that they can solve all the problems in the world. Black Canary thinking that having a session with her could clear your mind but it didn't work for Dick. The two Martians thought that just feeling others emotions and practically ratting them out to their mentors would work, Dick would be damned before he let them near his mind.

Dick gently wiped away the blood from his thigh with a wipe before he bandaged it up. He cleaned the floor and pulled up his jeans, getting rid of all evidence as he hummed quietly to himself. He hid his knife again before he was startled by the sound of rapid knocks and shouting. He unlocked his door to see Damien there, while Jason came out of Bruce's study with keys to every room of the house. Dick was surprised Jason didn't break down his door instead. "We've been knocking for ten fucking minutes! Why did you lock your door?! You never lock your door." Jason asked when he saw Dick.

"What's going on?" Bruce just came out, startling the three. Tim was flushed behind him which obviously showed that Tim ran to get him. "I was- ...I just wanted to have some alone time. I guess I just wanted to have a quiet moment to remember them, that's all." Dick mumbled loud enough for them to hear. They all looked guilty as sin, Bruce nodded in understanding. "Okay but . . .don't lock your door, okay?"

Dick nodded before shutting his door and lying on his bed. He could still tell that they were at his door. They didn't want to move and wouldn't. Dick hugged his pillow and closed his eyes and slowed down his breathing as he heard the door open. He could tell it was Bruce, he stopped in front of him. After a few minutes, he covered Dick with a blanket before kissing him on the temple. "Goodnight, Dick. I love you." Bruce said softly before closing the door behind him as he left.

"Lies, all lies. No one here cares. All. Complete. Lies." Dick whispered harshly as tear started to form in his eyes.


	2. Cuts part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick's so close to breaking under the pressure. Let's hope he keeps it together!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cuts part 2
> 
> It seems part 1 was liked by you guys so here's part 2.
> 
> P.S. Melissa is Mystique (She's an OC), BB is Belemy, Blackfire is Stephanie. Just wanted to clear that up.
> 
> I got some pretty good feedback on this, so, why not continue it? I'm sorry if you get upset over this, if you do please move to another chapter.
> 
> So sit back, relax and...
> 
> ENJOY!

Dick hummed to himself as he watched his legs dangle as he sat on the railing of his balcony. He just loved imagining his death by falling out that window, it would make things easier but he knew he'd be rushed into hospital and would be watched like a hawk. He didn't want that at all. He needed to be free like the Robin he was but there would always come a time where they'd fall eventually. When would it be his turn?

Dick snapped out of his thoughts as he heard his phone ring. He accepted the call and put his phone to his ear.

"Hello."

"You did it again, didn't you?" Belemy stated more than he asked.

"W-how did you know?" Dick asked weakly, giving up the game already. Belemy knew and he couldn't hide it from him, he was his best friend.

"Jason called me, saying that you locked your door for like about fifteen minutes before you actually opened up. You made up an excuse. You fooled them and got away, don't even try to deny it." Belemy's voice was firm, he had everything thought out.

Dick sighed and didn't answer. Belemy was right, that was exactly what he did.

"Dick, you need to stop this. You were doing so well; you went a full two weeks without cutting. What happened to that progress? What happened to talking it out?" Belemy asked softly but it was easy to tell he was hurt.

"I... I just...I needed something to calm me down, that's all." Dick mumbled as the shame and sadness he felt churning in his stomach.

"Dick, what is it going to take to help you? I'm trying as hard as I can but you need to let me in." Belemy responded.

"I don't know if I can stop, BB." Dick said in voice that said 'Let's leave it be'.

"Dick, I really don't want to get Bruce involved but at this point I don't know what else I can do..." Belemy said tiredly. The sound of him walking and picking up a phone could be heard. Dick's eyes widened as he heard the buttons individual noises go off.

"Wait!! No, please don't call Bruce, h-I'll try harder. I swear I will, just please don't tell Bruce. I'm begging you..." Dick begged hastily, he knew that if Belemy did call Bruce he'd hyperventilate, he was already on the verge of it. His left hand gripped his jeans tightly as he waited for Belemy to reply.

Belemy sighed. "You promise this time?"

"Of course, yes. I promise." Dick said, gripping his jeans tighter.

"Fine, I won't call but next time I won't hesitate to call him. Please, try harder." Belemy pleaded.

"I will, don't worry. Bye." Dick then cut the line and let out a relieved sigh, he was in the clear for now at least, he knew he had to keep the promise though and that made him upset. He slowly climbed back inside his bedroom.

He always had to keep promises for other people, why couldn't they keep him a promise for once? He wanted them to promise that they'd stay out of his life, he wanted them to promise that they would leave him alone and let him do what he does best.

He just wanted to slice away he deeper, dig the knife deeper to the source of his sadness and cut it off. Cut off his life once and for all. There wasn't anything bad about that. It's actually uplifting! Maybe they should try it too, after all it was a relaxation in itself, right?

Right? Of course, it is!

So why can't people appreciate it for what it was? For what Dick was? He just wanted out of the pain.

Dick curled up in his bed and threw the covers over him as tears fell from his eyes. He just wanted all the pain to be gone. He wanted his mum and dad to comfort him, hug him, tell him everything was going to be fine and whisk him away. Maybe join the circus again. "Mami. Tati. Why aren't you here? Why did you leave me all alone?" Dick asked as more tears stained his pillow. His sobs shook his whole body. He just wanted his parents right now. They always knew what to do to make their bird happy again. He wanted out from this prison of pain and into the light where he could finally rest, once and for all.

He knew he wouldn't last without caving into himself but he was going to try. Anything to stop Belemy from telling Bruce. *

__________________________________________________________________________________

Jason looked up from where he was sitting and saw Dick sitting on the railing. He saw the numbness on Dick's face and saw his reactions when he answered his phone. The neutral look, the worn look a second after, followed by pain, weakness, fear and panic. Jason couldn't hear what was being said but he was shocked to see all those expressions on Dick's face.

Dick. The happy, hyper, optimistic, mother hen of the family, holding all the family together. How could he, of all people show those expressions. He always had a smile on his face when he saw anyone in the house. He'd hug attacked everyone in the house. Stephanie and Cassie would embrace him back with a hug. Jason would complain about how much Dick would squeeze the life out of him but didn't mind the hug. Damien would always struggle which meant that Dick would hug him for longer. Alfred would chuckle and rub his back. Tim would just do nothing he would just walk around the manor with Dick being dragged along, pouting then smirk as he would lift Tim up into the air, much to his surprise and squeeze the living daylights out of him. Bruce would be the most welcoming but shocked at first when Dick would literally slam into him, knocking his balance off. He would kiss Dick's temple and tell him how much he loved him.

Jason frowned, the last time Dick hug attacked them was six and a half months ago. That's when everything started getting a bit messy in the family. Damien became snappier, Tim ignored Dick because of his shenanigans and would sometimes get very angry at him. Jason himself got annoyed more often than usual and would be a bit cruel. Stephanie and Cassie left for a business trip so they could learn more. Bruce just worked more and never had time to talk anymore.

And Dick...

Well, Dick just seemed...withdrawn but nothing changed in his behaviour. Not from what Jason could tell, but then again...when Jason called Belemy, he sounded like he was trying to suppress the anger in his voice. Belemy never got angry unless it was something very serious...

Did he and Belemy get into a fight? Jason shook his head, Dick and Belemy fighting with each other? Never, they were great friends, not once has Jason or anybody ever heard or seen them fight.

Jason's eyes narrowed as he looked at Dick climb back into his room with a look of relief but also sadness.

What could honestly make Dick upset? 

__________________________________________________________________________________

A week went by and things were ok, Cass and Stephanie came back from their trip with gifts and amazing stories that they couldn't wait to tell. Damien did better in school but his attitude got worse when he was angry. Bruce had more time to talk to everyone. Tim stopped ignoring Dick and tried on numerous occasions to ask him if they wanted to go see a movie -he missed how bright Dick was and the fun he had-, but Dick always had an excuse. Jason was calm but was still too stubborn to apologize to Dick for when he accidently threw Dick's childhood toy in the fireplace. It burned completely and for that day, Dick didn't come out of his room until then next day at lunch.

Cass and Stephanie, gave him a mouth full for his mistake. They tried to coax Dick out of his room but he wouldn't budge. Cass tried to open the door but it was closed, clearly stating that Dick wanted to be left alone.

Everyone in the family apologized for Jason's mistake that night but it didn't work. They had dinner in silence, all worried about Dick but knew he would come out in his own time.

It was only the next day that Dick came out of his room during lunch. Bruce, Cass and Stephanie ran to him and hugged the hugged the life out of him while Tim, Alfred and Damien smiled brightly at him. Jason just kept his head down and continued eating.

To clear the air, Cass and Stephanie talked about what they did in Japan and how they saw a Japanese version of Batman and showed pictures. Dick smiled and laughed but to Jason, something was missing and he was pretty sure Tim and Damien noticed as they looked at him, worried. 

__________________________________________________________________________________

Days blurred and meshed together as a month and a half pasted by. Dick seemed to be getting more quiet but not that anyone noticed. They were just wrapped up in themselves. All cheerful and happy, but, what about the little bird left in the cage while the others flew free? No was miserable. He'd been talking to Belemy but it wasn't working, nothing was.

'Just a little cut...just one, please?' The voice in the back of his mind kept repeating over and over. He wanted to answer the voices pleads but he promised. But why wouldn't it go away? It was affecting him? It was affecting how he worked!

He couldn't do this anymore; he didn't know how much more he could take before he'd snap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was part 2, I hope you enjoyed it. I am now sick again so please excuse my horrible writing for today and a few more days.
> 
> The next chapter will be a tad shorter so please bear with me until I upload again.
> 
> Don't forget to READ&REVIEW!
> 
> Blue out;]


	3. Cuts part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cuts part 3
> 
> Dedicated to graysonofgotham (You're the best, girl.)
> 
> NOTICE: Everyone please grab a box of tissues, a lot, and go to Youtube type in 'Christina Aguilera - Hurt lyrics.' (Video on top). I will tell you in the story when to play the song.
> 
> (We're in for some waterworks! I cried writing this.... A lot) D'X
> 
> This is after they fight the Heretic but in this Damian, doesn't die because Dick saves him by using the Hell Bat suit he wore for the fight to put some distance between them so he and Bruce could take him out but got stabbed in the shoulder in the process. Earlier, Damian goes up to his mother, who is on the roof, and Talia tells him he was a failure while the other members of the Batfamily are fighting the little assassins and the Joker along with Two Face, Harley and Poison Ivy.
> 
> Ignore the names I used for the Wayne's Ball because I wasn't the one who made that up.
> 
> Warning: Depression, explicit cutting (maybe), suicide attempt (or a victorious one), hurtful words said in spite and mentions of historic event and a cliff hanger XD
> 
> Sorry Nightshadowgirl, I know how much you hate cliff hangers. XD
> 
> Oh, and credit to pekuxumi.

Damian watched Grayson pace around the cave anxiously. Still in Hell Bat gear minus the helmet, pacing as the others around them were being patched up and changing out of their suits. "Gotham's too dangerous to wander off alone, you know that..."

Damian tuned out the well-known sermon. He knew what was bound to come: 'There're too many madmen out there, Damian. ' 'You're too inexperienced, Lil' D. ' 'I only care about you, Dami.' Grayson was still bleeding from a stab wound to the shoulder, leaving a trail of blood splatter everywhere he went. Damian had tried to point that out, but the idiot had just snapped at him and went on with his scolding.

The others were damned if they thought that stopping Dick from scolding wouldn't make him mad.

Damian couldn't care less. If the moron wanted to pass out from blood loss and hit his head, it wasn't his problem. He had tons of others; Damian smirked mirthlessly and recalled the meeting with his mother just a couple of hours ago.

His fists clenched painfully. She had replaced him. With a clone. Damian felt the familiar rage bubbling up inside of him, choking him. After all her talk of 'love' and 'devotion' for her precious son, she had replaced him as soon she believed to have seen a flaw in Damian.

"...do you have any idea how worried I was? I've been looking everywhere for you and still..."

How detached she had sounded... though Damian had been so glad to see her. He had missed her dearly, even if he'd never admit it. Had missed her soft hands and proud posture. True, Damian had chosen to stay in the manor and be Robin, to leave his mother, but that didn't mean he hadn't missed her.

'You are a fool', a voice in his head hissed, to believe that she would miss you, too. She had always possessed the ability to create another child, a better child. Damian knew his mother still kept samples of the DNA that created him - but stupid as he apparently was, he had believed she just wouldn't use it.

With a lot of willpower, Damian managed to unclench his fists and stared down at his hands. His nails had dug deep into his palms, angry red marks beginning to fade. Could she replace him? Or was she trying to improve him? He remembered all the times she had told him she loved him, was proud of his achievements. Were they lies? Or had she stopped loving him?

"...just because a villain is in Arkham doesn't mean we can stop being careful..."

Damian redirected his glance towards the one other person who had claimed to love him, and felt his lips compressing. Grayson was standing now, rubbing his tired eyes while rambling on. The idiot had no idea about Damian's meeting with his mother, and Damian had no intention to change that. During the fight, he had gotten a signal from his mother and followed it immediately. Batman and Nightwing rushed to find him when they realised he was gone and got there right before he could be impaled by the Heretic's sword, and Grayson's reaction to his absence was completely unnecessary. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself for a few minutes, but Grayson had insisted on making a scene as soon as they had stepped into the cave.

That wasn't anything out of the ordinary so far. Grayson shouting at him, pacing around while pulling at his hair occurred often. Dick's change of behaviour about 8 months ago, Damian knew since then that Dick's thread of patience was wearing thin and thinner.

They had begun to 'discuss' the topic as usual: Dick desperately trying to explain 'teamwork', Damian answering with spiteful insults. One day, he believed, Grayson would finally get it and accept Damian's way. He was no child, didn't need a brother or partner to back him up. He had sworn not to kill and was serious about that; no need to observe him on that matter either.

It had been when Grayson had pinched his nose in annoyance and begun his argument with the well-trodden phrase "I worry about you, Dami...", that Damian's defences came up. Grayson said things like that all the time, but now it had catapulted him right back in front of his mother, who told him she was breeding another son to 'make things right. '

Grayson's open display of feelings had always made Damian uncomfortable. People didn't worry about him. They worried about his performance, about the future of the family or their plans, but not about his well-being. He had never learned to deal with the sappy emotions of a sappy imbecile, and frankly, Damian didn't want to deal with them, especially not after his mother had just basically told him to go to hell.

"Nothing happened, alright?" Damian mumbled, annoyed, more to himself than to Grayson. The idiot heard him, of course. "But something did happen, you were fighting the Heretic, a guy that's almost four times your bodyweight and size! Bruce and I wouldn't have found you if it wasn't for your tracker turning on."!"

Damian '-tt-'ed and rolled his eyes, but Grayson never got the hint. He just kept on rambling about family and responsibility and when he started to say that he cared about Damian too much to let him wander around Gotham alone, Damian felt how his temper got the better of him.

"You realize that I only got away because you didn't pay attention, right?" Damian said, clearly agitated. "Damian, you can't blame Dick, we all lost sight of you because of the fight we were in." Bruce stated but it fell onto deaf ears. Neither Dick or Damian were paying attention, only the ones who weren't fighting.

Dick stopped right in his tracks, interrupted by Damian's insolent comment. "That's not the point," he said finally, eyes narrowing. "This is about your behaviour. I trusted you enough to stay close to us and help us take down the assassins."

His own mother had lied to him about love and family - his mother. As if he could ever believe Grayson, who wasn't even related to him by blood. He didn't need to hear another blatant lie, especially not from the person who was responsible for all this mess. If Grayson hadn't offered him the mantle of Robin, Damian wouldn't have stayed in Gotham. He knew he was too young yet to take the cowl, and being Robin was the closest he could get to his father's legacy. Neither Todd nor Pennyworth or Drake would have let him be Robin or considered him as a choice, no doubt about that. Grayson had been generous and convinced Bruce to ask, Damian accepted the offer, only to disappoint his mother and jeopardize his legacy thus.

"If you were only half as capable as Father was -"

"We're not discussing my performance, Damian," Grayson interjected, obviously distressed. He crossed his arms to look resolute. Idiot.

A razor-sharp smirk appeared on Damian's face. "Because that would take too long..." "Because you need to listen to me."

"How could I listen to gypsy trash?" Damian asked with an evil smile and was pleased to see Grayson flinch at the unexpected turn of the conversation... It was so easy to wind him up, really. Grayson stared at him out of wide, surprised eyes, and Damian felt a rush of reassurance wash over him. He was in power now, he had this under control. "I still don't understand how my father could be foolish enough to take you in. Maybe your mother did some magic trick on him in that dirty circus of yours."

"Damian!" A now angry Bruce raised his voice in indignation. And the others were shocked, it's the first-time Damian ever said such thing about Dick, the nicest person in the family who treated him like an equal.

All it took to make Grayson fly off the handle were a few derogatory comments about his parents and his heritage. Mixed with a few well-aimed punches at his and Father's issues, and he was spitting fire. It was so easy, and it felt so good to lash out. Grayson had forgotten the cause of their argument entirely by now, and Damian couldn't resist the push of adrenaline. A conversation he overheard during the last charity event of Wayne Industries popped up in his mind. He recalled Francis Bolton's whispered remarks, spoken through a lot of very expensive wine.

"Why so surprised Grayson? Isn't that what you gypsies do to screw wealthy people off money?"

"What the hell are you talking about!?"

It was so easy. Before he knew what, he was doing, the next words slipped out, the words of his mother. "I'm talking about you trying to take away my legacy."

"Taking away your legacy?!" Grayson took a step back as if he had been slapped. "Damian, I never took anything from you! I'm not Batman."

"But you once wore my father's cowl, even though you'll never be good enough compared to a Wayne."

The words were pouring out, Bolton's, his mother's, and Damian breathed in the triumph of watching Grayson's hands ball into fists. He didn't need his mother, he didn't need Grayson, he could do this all on his own, better than any of them. He didn't need anyone, he just needed himself.

"Damian, I swear if you don't stop talking right now-"

"I shouldn't be surprised, right?" Francis Bolton had leaned heavily over the equally drunk Janette Reese and looked at her conspiringly before whispering the next words. "Your folk never managed to put up a good fight. The even that happened in Europe was just what you deserved." Damian said, repeating what he heard from the drunken man's mouth.

***Flashback start***

Damian had been right beside Bolton and Reese that night, but hidden in the shadows. The two drunken idiots hadn't noticed him, too intoxicated and dim-witted. Damian had just wanted to get a break from the phoniness and snobbery, but the way those two had whispered while shooting looks in his brother's direction had attracted his interest. Reese had started to giggle madly after Bolton's remark, trying ineffectually to hide her excitement behind a hand clasped to her mouth.

***Flashback end***

Damian was left wondering if he had heard right. He didn't know what might have happened to any gypsies in Europe - during the excitement of their fight right now, the words had come automatically. Obviously, he had understood the wealthy man correctly, for the words seemed to have ultimate impact on Grayson. Drawing a sharp breath, his 'brother' took a step backward.

"...what?" he asked, a mixture of defiance and disbelief. "What did you just say?"

"Damian!" They all shouted out angrily, giving him a bit of a fright, but he didn't back down.

"You heard me well, Grayson."

He was waiting for Grayson's return, but none came. Dick was simply staring at him, kind of lost, shocked and hurt at the same time. Damian felt the satisfaction bubbling up - finally he had made the idiot shut up and actually take his words seriously. The next time he met his mother, he swore, he'd do the same with her.

They wouldn't take him for a stupid child ever again. Dick still hadn't said anything, nor moved. Damian's triumphant smirk slowly dissolved when he felt the skin of his face itch; Grayson's look changed, he was now glaring at him with his cold-cut sapphire eyes, no longer holding pain but anger, hatred, he looked like he didn't see Damian as a human anymore. He just glared, not even blinking, the temperature in the room dropping below zero.

The blank look on Dick's face turned to disgust, like he saw something very unpleasant, this look was directed at Damian

Then suddenly, he talked back, "That's it, I had enough of you, Damien. I tried and tried but there's no denying it anymore, you are a demon brat. Nobody wants you, and you're definitely not needed. Heck, even your mother made a newer version of you because you're a failure. I actually prefer the Heretic over you. At least he knows where he's wanted, do you?" Dick said coldly with a little sadistic smile on his face but his voice held no humour.

Damian growled and charged at Dick as he took out his sword. Everyone moved as Dick was kicked into the Batchair and Damian held the sword to Dick's neck. All weapons were pointed at Damian, no matter if they didn't want to. If he was threatening Dick's life, then they had to intervene. "Damian, put down the sword." Bruce said as softly as he could. His child's life was in danger; he didn't feel like acting soft but he couldn't lose anyone else.

"No Damian, don't. Show them the killer Talia created. Go on show them that all they did for you was for nothing." Dick tempted him with a smirk. "Dickie bird, now would be the time to shut up." Jason growled, not liking the look on his brother's face whatsoever, "Damian, put down the sword and back down. We'll forget this ever happened and move on from this."

Damian's shoulders slumped in defeat but he didn't move. The thing that shocked him was the look that now formed on Dick's face. He looked disappointed and bored with Damian. "So that's it? How disappointing. If you weren't planning to do anything then get off me." Dick swatted the sword away like it wasn't a deadly weapon and pushed Damian out of the way so he could leave. He didn't even bother taking off the Hell Bat suit, he just walked out of the cave and into his room.

________________________________________________________________________________

(Play the song now. Let her start singing before you start reading again.)

 

 <https://youtu.be/wwCykGDEp7M>

(Go refill on tissues now, this is your checkpoint.)

Dick took off the upper part of the suit before he sat down on his bed and admired his wound. He lightly circled the wound with his two index fingers then applied pressure, wincing happily at the feeling of pain but pressing it wouldn't be enough for him. He wanted to dig deeper, to create his own wounds to get rid of the mental wounds Damian caused him.

Tears started flowing from his eyes as he thought of what Damian said not long ago...

"How could I listen to gypsy trash?"

"Why so surprised Grayson? Isn't that what you gypsies do to screw wealthy people off money?"

"I shouldn't be surprised, right?"

"Your folk never managed to put up a good fight. The event that happened in Europe was just what you deserved."

Dick didn't bother wrapping up his wound. He just changed into his civvies and sat in the corner of his room, his knees brought up to his chin and wrapped his arms around them, using it to support his head as he rocked back and forward.

Back and forward...

Back and forward...

_______________________________________________________________________________

"What were you thinking, Damian?!" Alfred scolded. "Do you even know what effect that had on Dick?"

Damian didn't answer, he just stared ahead of him. He was still thinking of what Dick said to him. That was the first time Dick actually lost his cool with him. That look of disgust, disappointment and boredom on his face, all of it was directed to him. Damian felt his heart sink at that very moment. The looks given to him by Dick felt worse than the look his own mother gave him. Why was he feeling this guilt build up in him? Did he care about what Dick thought of him?

"Damian!?" Bruce said sternly.

"-tt- You should be giving out to Grayson." Damian tt' ed.

"Right now, we don't care about Dick! The problem is your attitude and behaviour towards everyone. He is willing to do anything for you but you take him for granted. He has gone through hell just to keep you safe. He even gave up his job in Blüdhaven so he could be able to come when you asked him to. Why can't you see that he cares for you?!" Tim yelled, his face turning red from the lack of air as he was too busy screaming.

Damian's eyes widened a bit. "He...he did that for me? When?"

"When you first moved in. He knew that you were going to need support. Why he thought of even treating you like an equal, like a brother, is way beyond me. He had a lot of patience for you but you wore him down and now he doesn't want to even acknowledge you. You should have felt lucky that Dick cared for you! He is the nicest, honest person to have and yes, sometimes he can be overbearing. But it's better for him to be overbearing than to not have him at all. I'm beyond disgusted, Damian." Jason gave out like he was a real parent.

Just before anyone could say more, the doorbell was rung. Tim needing some time to cool down answered the door. At the door was Belemy. He smiled but it soon fell when he saw the angry looks directed at Damian. Belemy sighed and walked in then put his hands in his pockets.

"What happened?" Belemy sighed.

Everyone sat down and took turns saying sections of the story and with each section made Belemy's eyes widen more and more. He felt his heart race faster and faster, going in such an impossible speed that Belemy thought his heart would jump out of his chest. The cold feeling filled him, forcing him to sit still and endure the suffering for much longer than he could handle. He was trembling with fear and tears were streaming down his face.

"And then he.... Belemy, what's wrong?" Bruce asked looking very concerned. He liked Belemy, he was respectful and was always there for Dick and made people happy. Bruce felt like he was family and Bruce always took care of his family.

"Call the ambulance now..." Belemy whispered, looking truly distraught, struggling to get out of his seat. He needed to save him, there was no way in hell that he'd lose his best friend, his brother. Dick always helped him through everything he went through and now he'd be there with him. He used to suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.) and Dick helped him through it and stayed day and night with him to be his reassurance. Together they tackled it and now Belemy would have to do that for him.

"What?" Bruce asked, feeling as if he missed something. "Now, please. Call the ambulance." Belemy was already sprinting up the stairs while Alfred hurried to make the call. Bruce stopped his children, "Go outside and wait. When we come outside, I don't want you to look at us, ok?" Bruce ordered. His kids nodded, they had no time to hesitate.

As they were about to run out, they saw Belemy break down Dick's door and Bruce running after him. They heard Belemy's scream.

'Dick, be safe.', They thought as they waited for the ambulance.

________________________________________________________________________________

_Minutes before..._

Dick listened as Tim was screaming but there was only one sentence that stood out to him:

Right now, we don't care about Dick!

More tears streamed down Dick's face. "You never cared to start off with. None of you ever did. You left me feeling alone and worthless. If I could take away the pain, I would. I want to. If I could just be with my parents one more time, then maybe I'd be fixed. Sometimes I want to call you guys but I know you won't be there. I want to look into your eyes and see you looking back. I'm broken and no one here is willing to fix me. I'm sorry, Tati. I'm sorry, Mamical. I know you'd be ashamed of me right now. I only ever wanted to make you proud but I can't. I'm a failure, I know that. I tried to kill the pain but I still want more. Would you be upset if I joined you? Would you tell me I was wrong? I miss you so much. I know I have dangerous thoughts but they just keep going back. I'm sorry for everything that I couldn't do, I'm sorry for blaming you for being gone. I hurt myself blaming you." Dick whispered as his tears overtook him.

He reached under his bed and took out the knife he knew so well. He walked into the bathroom and slide down against the glass tiled wall, the smearing blood leaving a trail from his wound he long forgot about. He brought the knife down on his wrist. Blood squirted out as he roughly dragged the knife across, his skin coming apart jagged. He could see his bone and watched as the blood pumped out of his body.

He started to feel dizzy but yanked out the knife, muffling his scream by biting his tongue.

"I'm sorry, Belemy, everyone, but..." he whispered as he lazily brought the knife up to his throat.

He had a pain smile but it didn't stop his tears from staining his cheeks and mixing into the blood on the marble floor. He just wanted to be loved, he just wanted to feel the warmth of being loved, of being embraced. People mistook him to be a cold person, no one knew what it was like for him. He sometimes had to be cold to save lives. He needed to save the world, so he became cold but they ended up hating them for it. Everyone, even his family, he could see it in their eyes. They didn't like that side of him. They didn't understand that that was the side that cared, that wanted everyone to stay alive. "...but right now, I'm homesick..."

________________________________________________________________________________

_Back to present..._

Belemy couldn't hold back his scream as he discovered Dick's body; blood was pooling around him, from his wrist and his slit neck and stabbed shoulder. He skidded onto the floor, going onto his knees, cradling Dick in his arms. His tears landed on Dick's face as he tried to wake him up. He couldn't leave him now, there was so much things they hadn't done yet. They wouldn't get to go on a holiday together, see a movie, see Wally after his recovery from returning after a year since the invasion, they wouldn't get to tease Damian when he hit puberty, they wouldn't get to be best men to each other's wedding, they wouldn't watch as their children played together and they wouldn't grow older as they remained friends.

"Wake up, please." Belemy sobbed, more tears fell onto Dick's face. Dick's eyes fluttered weakly, he looked up at Belemy and smiled weakly. "D-don't cry, Belemy..." Dick said weakly. "Dick, why? Don't leave yet, dude. Remember Melissa? What am I going to tell her, huh?" Belemy asked, shaking him gently with each question. "Tell her I love her and m'sorry, Bel..." Dick's eyes began closing once more.

Bruce stood there and watched as his son started to fade away. His son was dying and he couldn't do anything but wait for the ambulance to come. He had tears rolling down his face. "Son, don't die. The ambulance is on the way. Hold on, I can't lose you." Bruce stroked the side -kneeling in the blood of his child- of Dick's face, his cheek becoming cold to the touch. "Hold on, my little bird."

"You hear that? He needs you as well as your family. Stay awake." Belemy said, hitting his cheek lightly. "M'sorry." Was the last thing Dick said as his vision faded along with his consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was part 3 and I hope you enjoyed it. I based this chapter around the song you're now listening to because I needed some feelings to erupt like a volcano right now. It took me 8 pages and 4 hours to write but it was so worth it.
> 
> Don't forget to vote and review!
> 
> Now go eat some food or ice cream because as I say 'Food can help, food can relieve.' I'm going to have some Snack noodles right now.


	4. Cuts part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick's is rushed to the hospital and as he heals, Belemy shares the details in Dick's life that led to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cuts part 4
> 
> Hey guys! This is part 4 of Cuts and I hope this won't be as heart wrenching as the last chapter. I hope you guys have recovered from that though. If I left you really upset, then I am sorry. I left myself very devastated, I can't believe I practically killed Dick twice! Twice, freaking twice! Ugh, I hate myself right now... T_T
> 
> So, sit back, relax and...
> 
> ENJOY!
> 
> ...I don't know why I'd say that, I just noticed I've written that on every Cuts story but the chapter always ends up depressing and sad. I must be sadistic to say 'ENJOY!' but then again, I don't want to say 'CRY!' or 'DO NOT BE A HAPPY PERSON FOR THIS!'
> 
> I guess I'll say
> 
> So, sit back, relax and...
> 
> READ!

No POV

Sirens, beeping, yells, running footsteps gathering and gathering, doors thrown open, breathing and frantic whispering.

He could hear it all. He was unconscious but well aware of where he was and what was going on around him. He was being rushed into the emergency. Doctors were running down the corridor with more doctors coming along to throw open the doors as his unconscious self was being wheeled to the room. People were whispering frantically as they probably saw who he was and were wondering what happened to him. The breathing was his own; He didn't want to hear himself, he didn't want to hear anything. He didn't want to live.

He could hear a faraway voice a moment later.

"It's going to be ok, son. Please hold on, don't leave me." He heard, he could guess it was Bruce. Bruce was staying with him as he was wheeled into the emergency room. Why? Why would he? Why would he tell Dick to hold on and not leave him when Bruce already did? He left him alone, they left him alone. The only one there for him was Belemy, Stephanie and Melissa were on a mission off world so they had no idea, not even if they wanted to.

He wished he got a chance to say goodbye, to hold Melissa one more time, to kiss her ruby red lips. He didn't know what he did to deserve her. Why see she picked him out of so many, he didn't know at all. She saw something in him that he couldn't, but, what could it have been?

How could he have loved her if he didn't love himself?

"Come on, D, you gotta pull through. Everyone cares for you, we're all worried. Please don't leave us, we need you." Belemy. That was Belemy talking, he sounded like he was crying. Dick didn't want Belemy to cry or be upset. He wanted Belemy to accept the choice he chose, to be ok in general. Dick wanted to tell him not to cry and tried to. He heard a pained moan come out of his mouth but no words came out. No matter how hard he tried only painful moans could be made.

"Dick hold on, you're doing great so far, okay?" Bruce said a bit relieved to hear Dick's voice but worried he wouldn't ever open his eyes again. He didn't know how this all happened. Dick didn't seem upset whatsoever this year, he was his normal chipper self, but, he had his moments when he was quiet which made Bruce suspicious. He had asked Dick how he was once but he just smiled and said nothing was wrong. But then after Jason burning his toy elephant, Dick became quieter and unhappy. He then had that confirmed when Dick tempted Damian to kill him in the Batcave. Then one thing lead to another which lead to the ambulance coming to the manner which caught the attention of passing people and got them here.

"So, you can hear us, dude? Keep listening out for their voices ok, listen out for any." Belemy said, his voice laced with happiness.

It was then that he knew they couldn't continue staying by his side, the area was restricted.

________________________________________________________________________________

Belemy and Bruce were sent home by the doctors, telling them that it would be a night's operation. They were reluctant at first but soon gave up, asking them to call when it was appropriate to come back. Bruce called Alfred to come pick them up. They waited in silence for Alfred to come, once he did the silence wasn't broken when he came or as they drove towards the manor. They only made it to the sitting room before the worried teens surrounded them, bombarding them with questions.

Belemy sat on the couch and motioned for them to sit as well. They sat down around him and waited for him to talk. Belemy sat up straight but his shoulder slumped, his hands out in front of him. He knew he had to tell them about Dick, he knew it would be forced out of him anyway.

"It all started at the start of the year. He started to feel a bit depressed but it was nothing serious. He told me about how everyone changed in the family. Jason became cruel, Bruce stopped talking to him and was only concentrated on work, Alfred had no time to talk, Steph and Cass were going on a business trip, Damian was getting rude and Tim kept getting angry at him for how he was in general. Dick then backed off and stopped getting in everyone's way which made him upset because he wanted to talk about how he wasn't happy and wanted to get it off his chest but no one cared. So, he came to me and we talked and at the end he seemed relieved at the end. By then he wasn't feeling depressed anymore and would spend more time reading to help him cope and such. He was back to his happy self but missed Melissa since she was off world with Stephanie and there was no way of contact.

His mood went down quick as one day, Dick was in a playful mood and wanted to have some fun with Tim but Tim snapped at him, saying Dick was annoying, that he needed to stop acting like a child, he was useless and that he didn't want to be around Dick. Dick was devastated, but didn't show it, he just gave Tim an apologetic smile and said sorry before leaving.

Jason was the next to hurt Dick. I was told he got into a fight with Bruce and they both ignored each other. Dick tried to talk to Bruce but he was told that Bruce didn't have time for him at all. So, then he went to Jason to try and make him understand that Bruce didn't mean what he said to him. Jason got angry at Dick for making excuses for Bruce and insulted him. He said that Dick was always the Golden Boy in the family, he acted as if he was better than everyone but what he said after made Dick go further into depression. Jason said he would have preferred if he had just stayed on the streets than ever meeting him.

Dick felt like no one in the house wanted him there anymore. He tried to talk to Steph and Cass but they blew him off. In the end, he didn't have anyone, that was when he started cutting. When I caught him cutting, I was just coming over to his apartment and his front door was open. I went inside and called out his name but he didn't answer. I went into his bedroom and saw him with a knife in his hand and blood staining his wrist. He didn't even know I was there, he was looking in front of him, his eyes looked soulless. He didn't even notice as I cleaned up his cut and bandaged it up. It was only when I removed the knife from his hand that he snapped back to reality. He didn't realise what happened and asked what me. I explained what I saw and he shrugged it off like it was nothing. When I tried to front him about it, he laughed.

He was laughing but he was also crying, he said no one cared for him and would be happy if he just died. He didn't have a reason to even be alive and wanted to be with his parents so everything could be back to normal. That he wasn't a part of the family at all because out of everyone he wasn't even adopted by Bruce while the others were. He was in such a state he couldn't even control his emotions anymore. I stayed with him for the night and for the next day. He talked about everything he was going through and let me in. I told him that I would be there for him. I told him to promise he wouldn't cut again and he did, just as long as I didn't tell anyone.

He started to get better and we would talk about how he was doing. I tried to get him to see a therapist but he refused. He went on as normal and was happy but I had a feeling something bad was going to happen and then in the next minute I had Jason calling me. I then knew he cutting again. I called him the next morning and got things settled before we made progress again. But then months pass by and this all happened..." Belemy started crying before he could finish, he had his head in his hands.

"It's all my fault, isn't it? I should have told someone...Oh God, he's going to die because of me. Oh God, Oh God, Oh God..." Belemy sobbed, his voice barely audible. He was shaking so badly that he had to be held. Bruce and the others gathered around him, all embracing him in their own ways.

They were crying themselves, it was their fault alone. They caused all this, they neglected or hurt Dick when he needed them. And now he was in hospital going through operation to save his life. He was there because he thought they didn't care for him because of their actions towards him. They kept forgetting that Dick wasn't affected by living in Gotham, seeing the things he seen. He remained pure and didn't let Gotham make him less of an affectionate, trusting, happy person. They kept forgetting that he needed to be embraced and loved.

They forgot that he was even there.

________________________________________________________________________________

It was around twelve at night when Bruce phone rang. He answered it eagerly and the others surrounded him, urging him to put it on loudspeaker. They all took a deep breath, they were hoping it was good news. They didn't want to hear bad news, they couldn't bare to hear bad news. They needed Dick to be safe, they need him to be alive.

"Hello, this is Doctor Helen. Is this Bruce Wayne?" The female asked.

"Yes, I am here. Any word on my son?" Bruce asked anxiously.

"Well..." Helen paused.

Bruce and the others held their breaths. He had to be alive, he had to be safe. Bruce couldn't live with his son dying because of him. He needed to apologise to Dick and make him feel wanted and cared for. Bruce would all back into the darkness he had before he met Dick. Dick was the one who cut through his darkened heart and filled it with light, something no one could do. He brightened his live from the first time he came to live in the manor. He was shy at first but soon got used he and Alfred. Bruce knew from that day that nothing could make him happier than Dick made him feel.

"The operation was a success." She said.

They all felt relieved, smiling that Dick would be alright. He wasn't going to die! They would get the chance to apologise....

"But, Richard doesn't agree. We had to restrain him to the bed along with his forearm. He put up a big struggle and it took four bodyguards to hold him down. Right now, he glares at anyone who comes in the room or tries to talk to him. He refuses to interact with anyone and always wakes up when he hears someone enter his room. He is very pale and angry but I would like to say that seeing his family would cheer him up." Helena added.

"We'll be there soon. Thank you for the news, Doctor." Bruce cut the line. "Let's go, all of us." Bruce said, looking at Belemy too. Belemy gave him a small thankful smile. They all got their jackets on and was driven to the hospital by Alfred.

Jason and Tim ran into the building as soon as the rest got out of the car. Damian walked slowly behind, feeling guilty about what he said to Dick. He ruined everything. Belemy looked behind him and saw the look on Damian's face. He was feeling guilty. Belemy held out his hand to Damian, offering him a small smile. Damian took his hand hesitantly and let Belemy led him into the hospital.

"Which room is Dick Grayson in?" Jason asked impatiently, looking around him, ready to off running.

"Are you relatives?" The desk woman asked.

"We're his family." Tim answered hastily. He couldn't stay still as she typed on her computer to search for Dick's room. He wanted to go run now. If she didn't tell him soon he would run around the hospital like a headless chicken until he found the room.

"He is in extensive care, room 419, top floor" She answered. "And no running." She added just as Jason and Tim were about to bolt. The two sighed and speed-walked instead, encouraging the others to go faster. Bruce thanked the woman before heading after the boys. It took some walking and a painfully slow elevator ride before they reached the top floor. As they passed they could see that barely anyone was in the extensive care area, only three or four people.

They reached the room and could see Dick through the window. He looked beyond pale, weak, and tired. He had a cast around his neck and a lot of bandages around his wrists that would enable him from moving them, just in case he flexed his wrists and just like the doctor said, he was restrained. He looked worn and looked older than he really was. For Christ's sake, he was only twenty-two!

Bruce took a deep breath and noticed that the rest were waiting for him to open the door and lead them inside. Before Bruce could take a second step, Dick's eyes snapped open. He gave them a sideways glance before looking back ahead. He didn't want to see them, they could tell he didn't but they needed to see him. They were worried sick and sorry and ashamed in themselves and so much more...

________________________________________________________________________________

It was a while before they left Dick's room. He was happy to see them and said he would try to stop cutting. He smiled at them, brightening up his features. Bruce felt himself smile and so did the others. He was finally open with them. He told them how he felt and was relieved to get it off his chest.

Dick started to get tired so they bid goodnight. Bruce kissed the crown of Dick's head and smiled.

"Goodnight, son." Bruce said softly.

"Goodnight, Dad." Dick smiled backed before his eyes fluttered shut.

Bruce closed the door slowly behind him, he felt his smile slip away when he looked at Belemy. "What's wrong?" Bruce asked.

"He's lying, he's not going to stop cutting. I saw the look in his eyes. Dick's playing us all. I saw the look in his eye when he saw me, he looked betrayed, hurt and furious. Dick is just using us to get us off his back." Belemy said with a look of pain of his face as he spoke about how Dick looked at him.

"I...I know. I knew it from the first moment we walked in...I just didn't want to see it..." Tim whispered, "We all saw it..."

"We'll give him a chance to change but if he doesn't then...I have to do something I'll regret for a long time." Bruce said sadly.

Out of all the things he could do, this wasn't one of them...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was part 4 and I hoped you all liked it!!

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was the end of my first chapter and if you like, then let me know and I'll get started on the next chapter! 
> 
> Bye for now!


End file.
